why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
