shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
how drunk are you?
Several
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
