Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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