if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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