I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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