so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
