Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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