i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
