wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
