i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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