First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Randomize
