I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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