so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
