I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
