im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
