Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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