I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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