cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
