We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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