The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize