you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
