Even the bartender felt bad for me
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
