Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
