I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
