Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize