"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
