Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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