That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
