All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
