Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
