I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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