Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
