Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
