why didn't you poke me back
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize