I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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