Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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