Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just high enough for therapy.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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