and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
im calling her cock vulture from now on
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
