Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
