my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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