I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
oh god was she eating orange peels again
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
