I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
