im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Randomize