she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
