I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
