Tell her she can't have a vagina
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
