it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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