Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
