i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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