conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
God, I missed his penis.
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