Have you finally orgasmed yet?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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