I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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