Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
