I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize