just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
