thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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