I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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