My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
