he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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