Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
