just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
