or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
