if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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