He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
