I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
