Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
