you guys were way drunker than both of me
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Randomize
