I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
i think i just lost a toe
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
